Fuck Yeah, Tim Heidecker

“Perfect” - A crazy fangirl Tim Heidecker fantasy fanfiction.

shoobeedoobedoo:

“Perfect.” - DISCLAIMERS! This story is a Tim Heidecker Fantasy based on no truth whatsoever, in which you invite Tim to see your favorite band, you both admit you like each other, and you make out. This is my brain, high on Heidecker. In the highly unlikely event he ever sees this, I’ll just go ahead and wrap my head in tin foil and stick it in the microwave. No disrespect intended, Tim. This is just crazy girl hormones, in written form. Excuse any and all grammatical errors, punctuation, etc. etc. Comments are encouraged!

Ladies… You’re welcome. :)

Part 1

We stood back from the crowd a bit, the stage empty and lit up, eagerly waiting for the band to arrive.

She was standing next to me, her arm lightly grazing my own as we stood there and made small talk, occasionally sipping our beers.

“So are these guys good, or what?” I said, gently bumping her in jest. I knew this was her favorite band.

Her smile was contagious and her eyes lit up as she responded, gently bumping me in return.

“I. Am. So. EXCITED!!!” she squealed.

I chuckled, hiding my grin behind another swig of beer. This was the first time we had been out together. Alone. Maybe it was a date, but it seemed too casual for that. We had become friends over the last few months, hanging together in our larger group of friends. Sometimes we would wander off together, lost in conversation. I texted her frequently, testing out various jokes or scenarios for new episodes or stand up material. She would text me back with as much humor and wit I wondered if she’d missed her calling in comedy writing. Sometimes she would call me, breathless with laughter after having read a draft of an episode, wanting only to tell me how amazing she thought it was, inadvertently stroking my ego. I liked her. I really liked her. It scared the shit out of me.

I hadn’t allowed myself to like anyone like this in a long time. Eric understood. My last relationship left me in shambles, broken puzzle pieces that still haven’t healed. He sympathized, having been through the same thing. And now here I was again, my heart starting its delicate dance between friendship and something more, and I was scared out of my mind. So when she invited me out tonight, and only me, I hesitated. I felt like an idiot when I saw her face fall, disappointed and confused. I quickly retracted my answer, letting my heart lead, and I hugged her and told her I was being “lazy” and of course I would love to come.

I drove to the place to meet her there. My palms were clammy on the wheel as I trudged along Hollywood Blvd. in typical bumper to bumper traffic. I ran a hand through my unkempt hair, checking myself in the review mirror quickly. My eyes looked tired, but that was usually the case. I had worn my jeans, t shirt and flannel shirt over it. I didn’t buy into the Hollywood crowd fashions, but I wondered if she would. I ran another hand through my hair. She would probably look amazing. She always did.

I parked in the dark and musty lot a block from the venue, locked the car up, shoved my hands in my pockets and walked towards the entrance.

My phone buzzed and I took it out to view the text: Eric - “Good luck tonight. Have fun. She’s great. I’m happy for you brother no matter what happens!”

I smiled. While I wasn’t sure if tonight was “the night”, I appreciated the sentiment.

I texted back: “Thanks. Walking towards door now. Call later.”

I approached will call, and after an awkward wave to the two kids inside who recognized me, I walked in and surveyed the crowd for her. Before I could even take a second glance around, a blur of long, straight black hair in jeans and leather jacket came barreling towards me. She threw her arms around me and laughed as I fell back a few steps. My arms encircled her small frame and squeezed. God, she smelled amazing.

“Tim!! I’m so glad you made it!!”

I smiled into her hair, my heart pounding as she lingered in my embrace for a moment, before pulling away from me and beaming up at me.

“Yeah, we’ll thanks for inviting me. I’ve never caught these guys live. I’m stoked.”

She smiled at me again, and the lights overhead caught the hazel in her eyes. I felt my breath catch.

“Do you want a beer or anything? I know the bartender.” She winked suggestively and awkwardly all at once. My breath caught again.

“Sure, yeah that’d great.”

She clapped her hands and grabbed my elbow, steering me through the rapidly increasing crowd. There was hardly any room at the bar, so I stood behind her, pressed a little too close as she signaled for her friend and ordered us two beers. Fuck. Beer. She drinks Newcastle. Just shoot me now. She’s way too perfect.

She turned around to hand me a beer and then clinked our glasses together before taking a swig and smiling up at me.

“I’m really glad you came, Tim. This is awesome.”

We chatted about work, laughing about all the office idiosyncrasies we were forced to deal with. We slowly moved away from the bar, a fresh beer in each of our hands and now we stood side by side, the crowd slowly pushing towards the stage in anticipation.

Finally the crowd had pushed us together so she was in front of me once again, pressed against me. She leaned back, her head tilted back and her eyes focused on my own.

“Sorry it’s so crowded. Is this OK?”

I smiled and nodded. Was it OK?

Jesus. It was more than OK.

She nodded back, her eyes lingering on my lips. Fuck. She was beautiful.

Suddenly the lights dimmed and she turned around again, beaming at me before shouting excitedly with the rest of the crowd as the band took their places.

She knew all the words to every song, singing at the top of her lungs, glancing back at me every so often, her brilliant smile and flowing hair knocking me for a loop.

At some point we tossed our beers in the nearby trash can, so our hands were free now. During one particular song, a mosh pit started, and when we began to get pushed and jostled around, I instinctively put my arms around her waist to protect her. The song ended and I began to pull away from her, but her hands stopped me.

The lights dimmed and the band began to play an acoustic version of one of their most popular songs. Her hands kept my arms encircled around her waist and I swayed with her to the guitars and slow beat.

She leaned back again to look up into my eyes.

“Do you like them?” she asked quietly, her breath ghosting over my chin.

I swallowed. Hard. And nodded.

She smiled and slowly turned her head back to watch the band.

I was trembling, I’m sure she could feel it. Jesus, what she did to me. I wanted to feel it again. I needed to feel it again.

As she swayed, I bent my head down to press my nose softly into her hair, just above her ear. She smelled incredible. A mix of jasmine, vanilla and something unique that was completely her. I closed my eyes and bent my head down, resting my cheek against her ear.

The band began to slip into another song, and the lights on the stage twinkled with small white points and we stood there together, still and warm and fucking perfect.

I risked a glance at her, tilting my head slightly. Her eyes were closed, a small smile on her lips. Heaven.

Pressing my mouth to her ear, I quietly spoke, my heart in my throat.

“These guys are good.”

Her eyes fluttered open and she glanced back at me. I didn’t have a chance to protest before she reached back to place her hand on the back of my head and pulled me towards her, kissing me gently.

The world around me reeled. She kissed me. She was kissing me. She wasn’t stopping kissing me. Oh, god, she was incredible.

She pulled away, her eyes fluttering open again.

“I-I’m I’m sorry…” she began.

I didn’t let her finish that sentence. Instead I cupped her face in my hand and bent down to kiss her. She sighed into my mouth and and I felt weak in the knees. Jesus, I was such a cliche.

We parted again, and the band started one last slow song. She looked up into my eyes. I’m sure I looked like a complete idiot. I was grinning at her, grinning at the world even.

She reached up to stroke my face and I leaned into her touch. The song ended and the band started with the frenzy of a faster song. The crowd began to feel restless again and she turned around to face me, motioning to follow her to a spot towards the back of the room where we would be out of the way of the younger mosh-pitters.

The lights of the stage seemed so far away as we stood face to face in the shadows. She lifted herself up on her toes and hugged me. I bent down, burying my face in her neck and encircling her waist again, lifting her up gently. She giggled and pulled back to see me. The music was deafening, but her face was so close I could hear her perfectly.

“You’re eyes are so blue.”

She nudged the tip of my nose with hers and I frowned slightly, dazed by her tenderness for me. It had never been like this with anyone. I had never felt this with anyone. It had been too long.

We were in our own little world, away from prying eyes and hidden in the darkness. I felt bold.

Leaning in towards her, I dipped her slightly, supporting her titled neck with my hand and this time I kissed her.

She held me close as I clumsily embraced her, feeling almost delirious with this new found feeling. The band played frantically, the crowd moving and thrashing to the beat.

“Tim…” she whispered against my mouth.

That did it. She lit a fire within me I hadn’t felt in years. I was drowning, slipping into a passion for her I didn’t think could exist anymore.

My lips crashed down into her own and my tongue tasted hers and it was like only she and I existed in that moment. Her hands tangled within my already unkempt hair. I felt embarrassed that it had gotten so shaggy, but she seemed to revel in running her fingers through the thick dirty blonde strands.

She pulled away from me, breathless, but glowing and panting myself, I looked down into her eyes, resting my forehead against hers for a moment

“Tim…”she whispered again.

“Hmm?” I mumbled, unable to form any type of coherent sentence, her taste still on my tongue.

She smiled up at me, leaning forward to kiss my chin, then my jaw, then god help me she traced a line with her tongue down to my throat and I pressed her against the wall, my body moving upon its own accord now, following her.

Her mouth moved across my neck, occasionally leaving small red marks as she gently bit the skin there and then kissed the spots, almost marking me as her own. I was almost out of my mind with wanting her. Her lower lip dragged back up to my mouth and I caught it hungrily, my hands cupping her face.

We stood against the wall like that for awhile, kissing and whispering to each other. In the back of my mind I wondered what we looked like, making out like a couple of teenagers. I smiled. This was amazing.

The band announced their final song and then thanked the crowd for coming out. I received a mention, I guess the guys were fans of the show, and when I waved sheepishly from my corner, a few people waved back and started towards me. I looked down at her.

“Do you wanna get a head start and start leaving? I think we’re gonna get interrupted here soon.”

“Are you sure? Looks like you’ve got some fans that want to say hi.”

Indeed, a small group was forming behind us and I sighed, closing my eyes.

She reached up and kissed me quickly.

“It’s ok, Tim. Just meet me outside when you’re done, ok?”

I nodded reluctantly, feeling instantly cold again as her hand slipped from mine and I watched her walk through the crowd and head for the door. I had a physical pain in my chest from her absence. I recognized it now. It was the same pain I felt after not seeing or talking to her for a few days. It felt stronger now, my skin craving her touch.

I stayed for awhile, talking with fans and taking a few pictures until I finally excused myself and made my way to the door. To look busy, I pulled my phone from my pocket. I had a few texts.

Eric: “How’s it going?”

Bob: “Script meeting tomorrow? Grab breakfast first then head to the office? Let me know.”

Eric: “I told Bob I wasn’t sure about the meeting tomorrow. Ring-a-ding-ding!”

I chuckled and quickly replied to Eric.

“Tonight is amazing. More later.”

I was finally outside, the bright street lights and busy boulevard panicking me for a minute. How was I going to find her? I scanned the crowd. Nothing. Shit.

Pulling out my cell phone I texted her.

“Hey, I’m outside now. Where are you?”

I began to walk away from the crowd, towards the corner of the street and leaned up against the dark doorstep of a closed store. I took a deep breath and folded my arms, leaning my head back against the window. My phone buzzed.

“Is that you leaning up against that window? :)”

I quickly looked up and walked a bit out of the shadow scanning the crowd at the other end of the street. I saw her then, timidly walking towards me and I waved. Her pace picked up and I stood there, my heart beating wildly as her smile came into view. She was blushing.

When she reached me, we chuckled at each other, standing so close, but not knowing where to put our hands, arms, faces. Now out in the open night air, and very much away from everyone, the mood had changed. We really were in our own little world now.

She chuckled again.

“Why is this so…awkward?” she asked.

I smiled and shrugged, her arms slowly making their way around my neck.

“Because I’m a little… awkward?” I suggested, my arms encircling her waist.

She grinned and kissed me. There was that flutter again.

She pulled away, “Tim?” she asked timidly.

Oh no.

Her eyes were suddenly focused on the collar of my shirt.

“Tim, I…I mean…I’m sorry, I’m trying to tell you how I feel about all this, and…it’s not coming out right.”

I pulled her closer, my brain preparing me for her ultimate rejection. Sure, this was great, making out, she’d say…but it’s not what she wanted. It’s not why she invited me out.

“It’s fine.” I whispered, the shakiness in my voice betraying my true feelings. “I understand if this was a mistake. I had a really nice time.”

Her head snapped up and a look of disbelief crossed her face. Throwing her arms around me, she practically jumped into my arms, her mouth crashing into my own. I groaned, stumbling back a bit, my back hitting the window of the store behind me again, and I lifted her up gently, losing myself in her taste.

“Tim, how can you think I don’t want this?” she whispered breathlessly, her tongue running across my bottom lip.

I couldn’t answer her. My brain wasn’t focused on coherent thought at the moment. It was spinning. Her mouth trailed down to my neck again, and I tilted my head back to give her more access. How did this woman already know where all my buttons were? Sweet Christ, she was going to have to stop soon or I’d have to take her right then and there, and that was illegal, right? Making love on a public street? I tried to calculate how much THAT ticket would be, when her lips caught my ear and started to suck. I moaned and buried my face in the crook of her neck, my hands moving across her back, down to the curve in her waist.

I could hear her small sighs, as I traced my fingers just above the waistline of her jeans, until I felt her skin. Oh, jesus, she was so soft. What the hell had come over me? I needed more.

Her lips left my skin again and we stared at each other breathlessly. Her eyes were shinning brightly. She was about to cry. She looked so unsure.

I held her to me tightly and let my heart speak over my head.

“I’ve never fallen this hard, or this fast for anyone. Ever.” I whispered. There. I had said it. I had said what had been on my mind and in my heart for almost the entire time I’d known her. I reasoned with myself that this was a good thing, even if she left me in a puddle of rejection right here on the street.

She hugged me harder, and I heard a small sob. I whispered her name into her hair. “Please…” I murmured. “Talk to me. Even if its to tell me to fuck off.”

Her lips were suddenly on my mouth again and I instinctively picked her up, wanting only to be close to her, in any way she would have me.

“I want you.” she cried into my mouth desperately.

“Yes.” was all I could muster as we kissed again.

It started to sprinkle, the threat of a cold winter storm (well, cold in Los Angeles standards) on the horizon. A stiff wind blew past us, swirling into her hair and sending the smell of her perfume my way. I broke the kiss and bent down to pick her up. She squealed and laughed softly, looking down into my eyes before cupping my face in her hands.

“So this is…OK?” she asked, nuzzling the tip of my nose with hers.

I kissed her, my mouth trailing down to her chin, then her neck. I had a good angle from this position, I realized, as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

“Sweetheart, this is more than OK.” I whispered before tasting the curve of her neck again. She moaned, the sound shooting sparks up my spine.

The rain began to fall in earnest now, with the low roll of thunder sounding from somewhere behind the LA skyline.

“Tim, should we…go somewhere?” she asked nervously.

“My car is parked around the block. We can get out of the rain.” I suggested, the last line of that sentence hanging in the air as she nibbled on the space just beneath my ear.

She pulled away and nodded, her body slipping from around me again until her feet were on the ground. She shivered, another cold gust of air blowing and swirling around the corner. I held her close and she buried her face in my chest, giggling as I tried to wrap my flannel shirt around her to keep her warm. She kissed my chin and took my hand as we started walking through the rain to my car.

She huddled close to me as we walked quickly, the rain completely soaking through my worn clothes. She managed to say pretty dry with her leather jacket, but her long hair was wet and she laughed at me, as my own hair was soaked and flat. I always looked pretty ridiculous. Wet hair? Times that by 20.

We trudged up the steep Hollywood hill to the parking lot where my car was, running faster and faster until the sound of the pounding rain drowned out our laughter.

I fumbled for my keys in my pocket, as she waited patiently in the downpour, smiling at me from the passenger side door. Jesus christ, my hands were shaking so bad. This was close to impossible. Smooth move, Tim, I thought to myself. This gorgeous girl is going to get sick because you made her stand outside in the pouring rain for an hour while you figured out how to open a car door.

She started laughing now, walking over towards me, the thunder moving closer.

I shrugged at her, apologizing with my shoulders for being incapable of doing the simplest of things at the moment. She pushed me up against the drivers side door and lifted herself up to catch my mouth with her own.

Keys? What keys?

Her hands moved underneath my soaked t shirt, her fingernails scratching gently around my waist. I swear this girl was going to be the death of me.

“Hey, my keys aren’t in there,” I tried to joke as her hands drew lazy circles into my skin.

She chuckled and shut me up with another kiss. Perfectly fine with me.

Her hands moved down over the sides of my body and into my pockets where she fished out my car keys, kissing me with a grinning smile that left me feeling weak in the knees.

“Found ‘em”, she giggled.

A loud crack of thunder broke over our heads and we ducked. Maybe it was time to get in the car. She ran around to the passenger side while I somehow managed to open my door and unlock hers. We scrambled into the car and slammed the doors shut. I could hear her breathing heavily now in the warm silence, the rain and wind muffled. She was laughing and apologizing for getting my car wet.

“Oh geez, Tim! I’m sorry, I’m totally ruining your car here! Ah!” She took her jacket off, trying in vain to somehow dry herself. It wasn’t until then that I noticed the blouse she was wearing.

White.

Silk.

With a black laced bra peeking out from beneath the collar.

Fucking. Hell.

She shivered as I turned on the car to start the heater up. The radio played some generic rock music in the background, the guitars similar to what we had heard inside the show.

I took off my flannel and offered it to her and she took it with a smile while patting her face dry. I stayed still, trembling a bit while warming up. I mostly watched her, leaning my head back and swallowing the lump in my throat. Jesus, she was beautiful.

She took a deep breath and faced me, reaching out to touch my face. My hand covered hers and I leaned forward, turning my head to kiss the inside of her palm.

She sighed and whispered my name, her voice unsteady.

“Sweetheart?” I said quietly. I waited for her to cringe at the nickname I hadn’t used in forever. I had told her the same name outside, in the pouring rain, but now we were in my car, where it was quiet and warm and…different. I had not said Sweetheart to anyone in a long time. I hated the word “baby” or “babe”. It just wasn’t me. Of course I had to be different, even in this small respect, but it just felt natural to say. And I only reserved it for special people. I chuckled inwardly to myself. Eric would completely freak if he heard me say this to her. He knew what saying it meant. That I had fallen. Well…he would have been right.

Suddenly my phone rang and we both jumped at the sound.

Scrambling in my pockets I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID: Eric.

She saw the name too and raised an eyebrow. I smiled sheepishly at her.

“I should probably take this. He knows I’m out with you. Maybe it’s important.”

She nodded and ran her fingers through my wet hair before pulling away and sitting back in her seat, focusing on drying herself off a bit more with my flannel.

“Hey, Eric, what’s up?”

“Hey! Tim, you guys OK?”

“Yeah, why? What’s going on?’

“This rainstorm is just crazy. Lots of power outages. Actually a huge one right where you guys are for the show. The studio is dark too.”

“Oh, man. Yeah, we got caught up in it, coming out of the show actually. We’re in my car right now, trying to get warm.”

He paused and answered me in a low voice. But there was a hint of mischievousness in it. He was probably grinning.

“Oh yeahhhhh???”

“Shut the fuck up, dude.” I said quietly.

“Ha ha!!! Yes!! Okay, go have fun and all that jazz. Call or text if you need anything. And be careful out there. Not just with her, heh. I mean the stupid LA traffic. You know people forget how to drive when it starts sprinkling. This is worse.”

“Okay, thanks. Yeah, I’ll call you later.”

“Latterrrrrrrrrr!” he said in a singing voice before hanging up.

She turned to me and smiled.

“Everything OK? Big brother checking up on you?”

“Right?” I answered her, turning my phone completely off so we wouldn’t be bothered again.

I threw the phone in the backseat and turned to face her again. She had succeeded in drying herself off quite nicely. How did girls do that? I was still dripping wet. I’d be surprised if my phone wasn’t completely ruined after I  answered it soaked to the bone. She of course looked amazing. Her flawless skin and dark hair framing her face in a way that made my heart flutter. It was warm in the car now and she leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes, relaxing.

Her neck was exposed, as was her collarbone, the white blouse she wore still damp enough that it hung in an odd way on her shoulders, the black bra strap slipping delicately down the shoulder closest to me.

I leaned forward without thinking and kissed the skin there. Christ, she even tasted like vanilla. My heart sped up.

…to be continued…